One of the hardest things to do is admit you’re wrong, but now I’m going to do it.
When I stared this blog I had the full intentions of getting lots of sex, from lots of different guys, and being a complete sex monster.
Why? It always seemed like fun.
I started with a massive ego that was completely destroyed within the first week. I thought I could chat to anyone, and anyone would love to chat to me. However I learnt the harsh reality of NSA. No personality, just sex- something I always knew, but never truly understood the bitterness of.
I didn’t have the confidence, or stability (living with family) to support that lifestyle. I wanted drinks, talk; to be charmed into bed. That was such a childish pipe dream.
I went on a ton of dead dates (got bored blogging them). It was always the same: great conversation but lacking that spark and practical issues like no where to go for- it.
Before this I was the love only guy: deep, heavy, love that shakes you to the core and stays with you in odd fragments.
The shallowness of the dates, guys: and their clear intentions, made me feel cheap. But, I still wanted sex. Just to say I’d done it.
That’s where Reece (previous blog) comes in. Nice guy, stable, attractive- the perfect guy to have fun with. He didn’t have the bluntness of the others, and we had great sex (we’ve met again).
The best part about Reece is that there is not that extra feeling- you know the one that grows inside your tummy until you’re crying yourself to sleep concealing your dying love.
It honestly is just friends who fuck, with a little bit of spooning on the side. We talk like mates, watch TV like mates, but when the show ends we fuck like animals.
So this is my new realisation, I am a ‘love guy’.
I can’t change that. I like spooning, long eye contact, cute texts, watching films, meeting families, friends and really embedding myself into someone I love, mind and spirit.
However, I’ve just come out of a long term relationship. Things got stressful, constant arguments, disagreements, and after six months of constant hell, the idea that it was ever going to end seemed gone to the wind. So I’m not going to get into another relationship soon.
I want me time. I’ve just graduated university, I’m moving to Germany for a year soon, after which I will need to get my life sorted in the UK. Get a proper job that allows me to fashion an adult life.
I don’t want to be someone who has a relationship just for the hugs at night. I want a man to enter my life who wants to set good foundations for a family: something serious, not pubescent love.
In the meantime though, I like sex, so that’s why I have Reece. We both have a completely mutual understanding. He knows I’m leaving the country, and I know we don’t have the spark.
I deleted all dating apps. I have a few guys on my WhatsApp, but for now it’s just Reece. who I see once or twice a week. Like I said before though, he sees men in-between as his sex drive is a lot higher than mine. But I like it; it ensures we don’t get the lines blurred.
We do really get on, we often plummet into deep conversations about the English language, and he passes me books that he likes, he knows I’m an avid reader. I guess what I’m trying to say is, we respect each other; we make time for each other.
I honestly think what I have going on is the most sensible thing.
Who says you can’t have an organised sex life?
I am still contemplating threesomes etc. I have a very juicy guy in mind, all parties are interested, I’ve just got to organise it. But nerves are holding me back, but I’m sure I will soon conquer them.
jamesquinn1994 